Stuck Between Wanting Change and Resisting It? Let’s Talk About Ambivalence

When you know what to do but still can’t make yourself do it… 😩 Maybe it’s not about willpower—maybe it’s about finding a plan that actually works for you.

Hey There!
Ever feel like you want to make a change, but also… don’t? You’re not alone.

Ambivalence is a natural part of behavior change—it’s not laziness, lack of discipline, or some fatal flaw. It’s the tension between two competing desires:

✔️ The desire to be healthier, stronger, and more consistent.
❌ The desire to stay comfortable, avoid failure, and resist feeling restricted.

And yet, most fitness and wellness advice ignores this entirely. Instead, we’re bombarded with:

➡️ Unsolicited advice: “Just eat cleaner.” “Just wake up earlier.”
➡️ Oversimplified solutions: “Take this supplement.” “Follow this plan.”
➡️ Shame-based marketing: “No excuses.” “If you wanted it badly enough, you’d do it.”

The result? People feel judged, misunderstood, and resistant to change.

If advice worked, no one would struggle with behavior change. But telling someone what to do—even when they know it’s good for them—often triggers resistance instead of action.

This is called the righting reflex—the instinct to correct, fix, or “help” someone by telling them the right way to do something. It comes from a good place, but it backfires because:

🚫 It doesn’t acknowledge the struggle. If change were easy, they’d already be doing it.
🚫 It creates defensiveness. No one likes being told what to do, especially if they’re already doubting themselves.
🚫 It assumes people don’t know what to do. But most people do—they just can’t bridge the gap between knowing and doing.

This is where most influencers, coaches, and fitness pros get it wrong. They preach “the way,” assuming their approach will work for everyone if they just follow it. And when people don’t succeed, the blame falls on the client—not the method.

But lasting change isn’t about being told what to do. It’s about figuring out what works for YOU.

If you’re someone who always follows through (a classic Upholder tendency), it can be frustrating when others don’t do what they say they want to do. But behavior change isn’t just about willpower—it’s about motivation style, past experiences, and readiness for change.

Some people:
🔹 Need external accountability (a deadline, a coach, a friend).
🔹 Fear failure so much that they never start.
🔹 Are stuck in all-or-nothing thinking (if I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all).
🔹 Have past experiences of shame, failure, or diet trauma that make change feel impossible.

Instead of assuming everyone can just “push through,” the key is meeting yourself (or others) where they are.

✅ Ask, Don’t Tell
Instead of giving advice, ask open-ended questions.
➡️ “What’s one small thing you could change today?”
➡️ “What’s worked for you in the past?”
➡️ “What would make this feel easier?”

✅ Focus on Autonomy
People are more likely to follow through when they feel in control. Instead of “You need to…” try:
➡️ “What approach feels right for you?”
➡️ “How do you want to handle this challenge?”

✅ Find the Middle Ground
Not ready for a massive overhaul? Cool. Change doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.
➡️ Hate meal prepping? Try stocking grab-and-go protein options.
➡️ Can’t commit to a full gym routine? Try 10-minute workouts at home.

Most people don’t need more advice. They need a way to take action that actually fits their life.

That’s what coaching is for. Whether you:
🔹 Need structure & accountability
🔹 Struggle to stay consistent
🔹 Feel overwhelmed by all the “right” ways to do things

…we’ll create a plan that meets you where you are—no shame, no judgment, just progress.

👉 Book a free clarity call here and let’s figure out what works for you.

💡 Your turn: What’s one small action you can take this week toward your goals? Hit reply and let me know!

Warmly,
Coach Christine

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