From Ambivalence to Action: Spoiler: It’s not about discipline, it’s about decision fatigue and fear.

Stuck between “I want to feel better” and “I don’t have the energy”? That’s ambivalence, and it’s normal.

From the outside, it looks like we’ve got it all figured out.

We live where people vacation. We hike before work, ride powder on lunch breaks, chase sunsets from paddleboards. We’re healthy, strong, resilient, right?

But underneath the summit selfies and outdoor hustle, many of us are battling something deeper: the uncomfortable tension between wanting change and resisting it at the same time.

This isn’t laziness. It’s ambivalence, and it’s totally human.

Ambivalence is the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. In coaching, it often shows up like this:

“I want to exercise more… but I also want to sleep in.”
“I want to eat better… but I don’t want to give up what’s comforting.”
“I want to be pushed… but I hate feeling pressured.”

The truth is, ambivalence isn’t weakness—it’s information. It tells us that there’s a real internal conflict happening. One part of you knows that movement, rest, boundaries, and better nutrition will improve your life. Another part of you is trying to protect you, your energy, time, identity, or even past wounds.

Sometimes, it even shows up as frustration or anger at the people supporting us. Why? Because change is vulnerable. Someone reminding you of your goals can feel like they’re poking at a wound you haven’t fully processed yet.

When we talk about lifestyle change, it often feels like it has to be all or nothing.

Start the new program.
Overhaul the pantry.
Wake up an hour earlier.
Be a whole new person by Monday.

But this “go big or go home” mindset doesn’t reflect how real, lasting change actually happens.

Cue: The Transtheoretical Model (TTM), aka Stages of Change. Here’s how it breaks it down:

1. Precontemplation – “This isn’t a problem.”
2. Contemplation – “Maybe it is… but I’m not ready.”
3. Preparation – “I’m getting ready.”
4. Action – “I’m doing the thing!”
5. Maintenance – “I’m keeping it going.”
6. Relapse – “I fell off… and I’m starting again.”

What’s key here? Relapse isn’t failure. It’s a stage. And most of us loop through these stages more than once on the way to lasting change.

Motivation isn’t a switch, it’s a cycle. And if you’re waiting for the perfect time, you’ll be waiting forever.

• You will get motivated… and then lose it.
• You’ll feel on fire one week… and totally off-track the next.
• You’ll be ready to be pushed… until you’re not.

This is normal.

In fact, trying to override ambivalence with brute force (“Just do it!”) often backfires. Instead, we honor the ambivalence by meeting it with curiosity instead of judgment.

Ask yourself:

• What’s the cost of doing nothing?
• What’s the risk of trying something small?
• Why does this have to be big?

It doesn’t.

So many of us are stuck because we believe the lie that we have to do it perfectly or not at all.

But what if you just:

• Did one set, or 10 minuets instead of a full hour?
• Took one walk instead of a 10K?
• Drank one glass of water instead of 8?

This is how we build self-efficacy, our belief that we can do the thing. Not through heroics, but through small wins that stack over time.

You don’t have to be unmotivated or broken to feel stuck.

You just need a lower barrier to entry.

Here’s the thing:

Ambivalence is a normal part of the process. It helps you slow down, reflect, and make intentional choices. It becomes a problem only when we get stuck there, when we confuse thinking about change with making change.

If that’s where you’re at, try this:

Check your “why”
Why does this matter to you, really? What would your life feel like if this changed? What’s at stake if it doesn’t?

Find the “thing before the thing”​
Are you expecting yourself to cook every night… but haven’t grocery shopped? Trying to work out… but haven’t slept? Prep that step first.

Shrink the goal​
If your confidence isn’t at a 9 out of 10 or higher, make the goal smaller. You’re not failing. You’re getting smarter about how change actually sticks.

You can’t reach self-actualization if you’re starving, burned out, or in survival mode.

In Maslow’s hierarchy, basic needs come first, food, safety, rest. Only then can we grow into belonging, esteem, and purpose. So if you’re trying to hit the gym while skipping meals and ignoring sleep, of course it feels hard.

It’s not that you don’t want it. It’s that your body and brain are prioritizing survival over change.

And guess what? That’s not a failure. That’s intelligence.

Modern mountain living is beautiful, but it’s also intense. Between seasonal work, long hours, and a culture that glorifies pushing through, it’s no wonder so many of us are tired, ambivalent, and questioning what’s next.

So let’s build a culture where:

• Rest is not weakness.
• Support is not shameful.
• One small action is worth celebrating.

You don’t need to do everything today.

You just need to do something that your future self will thank you for.

Even if it’s just one set.

If you’re feeling ambivalent, good. That means you’re thinking. Now let’s turn thought into movement:

• Name one small action you can take this week.
• Notice your resistance, without judging it.
• Reach out if you need a nudge. That’s what I’m here for.

Change doesn’t have to be massive. It just has to be yours.

Let’s rumble with the resistance. Let’s make space for both our doubts and our dreams. Let’s move forward, one breath, one step, one rep at a time.

Stay strong, stay human, and stay in the game.

— Christine Bettera
NBHWC- Board Certified Health Coach | ACSM-CPT